Music. It often heals the soul. I’m not sure about you, but for myself, some songs just have the ability to bring tears to my eyes when I hear them, but they aren’t necessarily bad tears. Some songs can trigger a memory in an instant. When I say the reason I love music is because of the way I can connect with the songs, I really mean it. I rarely listen to songs because they “sound good” or are catchy. I think that my song preferences often have to do with the situations I am in at the time. For instance, if a song comes on that I can relate to at the moment, it sticks with me. A song I may not have listened to in the past may suddenly connect with me later on.
Rob Thomas’ Ever the Same was a song I liked when it first came out. For two years of my life however, its meaning had a greater impact. It was a sort of healing and comfort through the struggles I faced. Ever since, the song has meant much more to me than what it did when it was first released.
I refer to this song as mine and my grandma’s song, as well as mine and my baby sister’s song. At the time my youngest sister was born, my mom was considered older and at risk for birth defects and complications. The doctors advised my mom to get an abortion at around five months pregnant. They said my sister would have problems and possibly not be able to walk or be mentally slow. Anyway, after the birth, my sister was in the hospital for three weeks. Then we had bi-weekly, sometimes weekly, and monthly visits to the doctors and hospitals. I say “ we” because it ended up being myself juggling work, university, and going with my mom to these appointments. I grew to have an uneasy feeling about the city we had to drive to for these appointments.
The following year my grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer, and once again I found myself always at the doctors office and hospital, helping her through her surgery and treatments. I really grew to hate hospitals. I know they are a place for healing and saving lives, but they are also where lives are lost, bad news is given, and tears are shed. Previously, I had my own experiences at the hospital I was not fond of, so I only saw it as a place where a lot of painful memories existed. During these two years, I found myself missing a lot of school and constantly getting sick myself.
It was these struggles with my sister and my grandma that really woke me up and made me grow up. My grandma, a woman of faith, was the one who stood by me in my most difficult times and always prayed for me. She is one of the strongest people I know. Her life is one of hard labour and struggle, having lived in and fled from a war torn country with her young children, and enduring the deaths of many of her children. She has bore the often unfair judgement of others, and hurts caused by those closest to her. I do not remember what things were like with her when I was child, but in my adulthood, she always put us before herself, even when she was struggling with her cancer. My grandma isn’t perfect, and she certainly has her faults, but she is someone I will always be grateful for, for the times she stood by me and no one else did.
“Ever The Same”
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn’t tell you but I’m telling you now
Just let me hold you while you’re falling apart
Just let me hold you and we’ll both fall down
Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same
We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it’s cold and we’re scared
And we’ve both been shaken
Hey, look at us
Man, this doesn’t need to be the end
Just let me hold you while you’re falling apart
Just let me hold you and we’ll both fall down
Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for me
Forever it’s you
Forever in me
Ever the same
You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you’re no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I’ll not forget
But I can only give you love
Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for me
Forever it’s you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same (Ever the same)
thebendiestroad 