The Call

The Call – by Regina Spektor

“The Call”

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
‘Til it was a battle cry
I’ll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything’s changing
Doesn’t mean it’s never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light
You’ll come back when it’s over
No need to say goodbye
You’ll come back when it’s over
No need to say goodbye

Now we’re back to the beginning
It’s just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can’t feel it too
Doesn’t mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
‘Til they’re before your eyes
You’ll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye
You’ll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye

This song is from the Prince Caspian movie soundtrack back in 2008, and this is where I originally heard it. I admit that hearing it during the ending credits made me cry. I mean, come on, it’s Narnia. Saying goodbye to Narnia is always hard. But in all seriousness, the song really struck me because the Narnia series reminded me of childhood. Who doesn’t reminisce about the “good old days” and want to be a kid again? This song doesn’t just remind me of Narnia of course, but rather it always evokes emotions in me, as I recall many things I have to say goodbye to. Friends, family, times gone by etc.

The second time this song had a lot of significance in my life was when my friends and I went on a missions trip to Thailand. We spent 3 weeks at 2 children’s homes where we were exposed to a world completely different from what we’d always known. A lot of the prejudices and assumptions I used to have were challenged and broken down. Those 3 weeks were enough to have a significant impact on us, and it was such a difficult parting, knowing we would likely never see those kids and the people we’d met again. The children asked us when we would return and all we could say was “we would try to”, but we knew the chances to return were slim. That was 5 years ago and most of those children have grown up and moved on. I still get updates from some of them, but where the majority are, I can only hope they are doing well.

The third time this song came back into my life and had a deep impact was, of course, my parting from Japan. In my previous post I talked a bit about how much leaving Japan affected me (and still does). For those who’ve lived abroad, you’ll know that moving abroad (and by yourself) is a wonderful experience. Terrifying at times, challenging, but incredibly wonderful. You are not the same person you were when you left. As with Thailand, I was constantly asked when or if I would return. Believe me, I wanted to give them a definite answer, but couldn’t. All I could say was “I hope to return someday”. I am determined to make this not the last time. But even if I were to return someday, things would not be the same, as was the case with Narnia when the children returned.

In 2.5 years, you’d probably meet several new people, try out a few new things and places, but most would remain the same. You’d hang out with the same people and do the same things, going to the same places. When I moved to Japan, I started over. Every place was new and grew dear to me. I met hundreds (over a thousand I’d say) of new people and built many, many relationships. I did different things for the first time with different people. I was creating new memories and becoming familiar to these things, and suddenly I was leaving it all behind. I guess that’s the thing with life: it can be very bittersweet.

For me, this song has a very sad feel to it, but it’s hopeful as well. The lyrics, “You’ll come back when they call you, no need to say goodbye”, feel very comforting. If we say goodbye, if we mean it, then it’ll likely be goodbye. Also, even if the people around me can’t understand how I feel, or know what I experienced, it doesn’t mean that my feelings are any less than what they are, nor does it mean that everything didn’t happen. My memories, how I was deeply impacted, the fact that it’s hard to say goodbye, are all a testament to this. It happened and no one can take that away. When the time is right, I’ll be back.